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"Food Quotes"

"This recipe is certainly silly. It says to separate two eggs, but it doesn't say how far to separate them."

Gracie Allen

"I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead -- not sick, not wounded -- dead."

"Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen."

Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.

Woody Allen

"I don't like to say that my kitchen is a religious place, but I would say that if I were a voodoo princess, I would conduct my rituals there."

Pearl Bailey

"In Spain, attempting to obtain a chicken salad sandwich, you wind up with a dish whose name, when you look it up in your Spanish-English dictionary, turns out to mean: Eel with big abcess."

"'Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'."

Dave Barry

Sadder than destitution, sadder than a beggar is the man who eats alone in public. Nothing more contradicts the laws of man or beast, for animals always do each other the honor of sharing or disputing each other's food.

Jean Baudrillard

Good bread is the most fundamentally satisfying of all foods; and good bread with fresh butter, the greatest of all feasts.

James Beard

"Sharing good food forges or reinforces friendships."

Ethan Becker

"Is there no Latin word for Tea? Upon my soul, if I had known that I would have let the vulgar stuff alone."

Hilaire Belloc

"I've been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I've lost a total of 789 pounds. By all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet."

I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food.

Erma Bombeck

“A man's palate can, in time, become accustomed to anything.”

Napoleon Bonaparte

For the single woman, preparing for company means wiping the lipstick off the milk carton.

Elayne Boosler

As with most fine things, chocolate has its season. There is a simple memory aid that you can use to determine whether it is the correct time to order chocolate dishes: any month whose name contains the letter A, E, or U is the proper time for chocolate.

Sandra Boynton

"Anything is good if it's made of chocolate."

Jo Brand

"Listen, then: let any man who shall have drunk too deeply of the cup of pleasure, or given to work too many of the hours which should belong to sleep; who shall find the accustomed polish of his wit turned to dullness, or be tortured by a fixed idea which robs him of all liberty of thought; let all such, we say, administer to themselves a good pint of ambered chocolate . . . and they will see marvels."

“...smell and taste are in fact but a single composite sense, whose laboratory is the mouth and its chimney the nose....”

“Tell me what you eat and I will tell you what you are.”

“The discovery of a new dish does more for human happiness than the discovery of a new star.”

"Liqueurs were not lacking; but the coffee especially deserves mention. It was as clear as crystal, aromatic and wonderfully hot; but, above all, it was not handed around in those wretched vessels called cups on the left banks of the Seine, but in beautiful and capacious bowls, into which the thick lips of the reverend fathers plunged, engulfing the refreshing beverage with a noise that would have done honor to sperm-whales before a storm."

"A man who was fond of wine was offered some grapes at dessert after dinner. "Much obliged," said he, pushing the plate aside; "I am not accustomed to take my wine in pills."

"The joys of the table belong equally to all ages, conditions, countries and times; they mix with all other pleasures, and remain the last to console us for their loss."

"Gourmandise is an impassioned, rational and habitual preference for all objects that flatter the sense of taste."

"I am a strong partisan of second causes, and I believe firmly that the entire gallinaceous order has been merely created to furnish our larders and our banquets."

"At the table of a gentleman living in the Chausee d'Antin was served up an Arles sausage of enormous size. "Will you accept a slice?" the host asked a lady who was sitting next to him; "you see it has come from the right factory." — "It is really very large," said the lady, casting on it a roguish glance; "What a pity it is unlike anything."

"A connoisseur of gastronomy was congratulated on his appointment as a director of indirect contributions at Periguex: and, above all, in the pleasure there would be in living in the midst of good cheer, in the country of truffles, partridges, truffled turkeys, and so forth. "Alas!" replied with a sigh the sad gastronomer, "can one really live at all in a country where there is no fresh sea-fish?"

"Gastronomers of the year 1825, who find sateity in the lap of abundance, and dream of some newly-made dishes, you will not enjoy the discoveries which science has in store for the year 1900, such as foods drawn from the mineral kingdom, liqueurs produced by the pressure of a hundred atmospheres; you will never see the importations which travelers yet unborn will bring to you from that half of the globe which has still to be discovered or explored. How I pity you!"

"Whosoever says truffle, utters a grand word, which awakens erotic and gastronomic ideas...."

"At the time I write, the glory of the truffle has now reached its culmination. Who would dare to say that he has been at a dinner where there was not a pièce truffée? Who has not felt his mouth water in hearing truffles a la provencale spoken of? In fine, the truffle is the very diamond of gastronomy."

"Those truffled turkeys, of which the reputation and the price are still increasing, appear like beneficient stars, and make the eyes sparkle of all sorts of gourmands of every category, whilst their faces beam with delight and they themselves dance with pleasure."

"Ye, the first parents of the human race, whose gourmandise is mentioned in history, you who ruined yourself for an apple, what would you not have done for a truffled turkey? But in Paradise there were neither cooks nor confectioners."

It has been shown as proof positive that carefully prepared chocolate is as healthful a food as it is pleasant; that it is nourishing and easily digested... that it is above all helpful to people who must do a great deal of mental work.

Jean Antheleme Brillat-Savarin

Tomatoes and oregano make it Italian; wine and tarragon make it French. Sour cream makes it Russian; lemon and cinnamon make it Greek. Soy sauce makes it Chinese; garlic makes it good.

Alice May Brock

"Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."

Lewis Carroll

"Watermelon -- it's a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face."

Enrico Caruso

"Hunger is the best sauce in the world"

Cervantes

Gluttony is a great fault; but we do not necessarily dislike a glutton. We only dislike the glutton when he becomes a gourmet--that is, we only dislike him when he not only wants the best for himself, but knows what is best for other people.

G.K. Chesterton

"Cooking is at once one of the simplest and most gratifying of the arts, but to cook well one must love and respect food."

Craig Claiborne

"We owe much to the fruitful meditation of our sages, but a sane view of life is, after all, elaborated mainly in the kitchen."

Joseph Conrad

"C is for cookie, that's good enough for me"

Cookie Monster

“Salmon are like men: too soft a life is not good for them.”

James de Coquet

"Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a pauper."

Adelle Davis

"Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat."

Jim Davis (Garfield)

"If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, talks like a duck, it probably needs a little more time in the microwave."

Lori Dowdy

"The most learned men have been questioned as to the nature of this tuber, and after two thousand years of argument and discussion their answer is the same as it was on the first day: we do not know. The truffles themselves have been interrogated, and have answered simply: eat us and praise the Lord."

Alexandre Dumas

"Let the stoics say what they please, we do not eat for the good of living, but because the meat is savory and the appetite is keen."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Soup puts the heart at ease, calms down the violence of hunger, eliminates the tension of the day, and awakens and refines the appetite.”

Auguste Escoffier

"I like children - fried."

WC Fields

“What an awful thing life is. It's like soup with lots of hairs floating on the surface. You have to eat it nevertheless.”

Gustave Flaubert

"Last night we went to a Chinese dinner at six and a French dinner at nine, and I can feel the sharks' fins navigating unhappily in the Burgundy."

Peter Fleming

"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer."

Clement Freud

"Heaven sends us good meat, but the Devil sends cooks."

David Garrick

"I have heard of a Cook that used six Pounds of Butter to fry twelve Eggs, when every Body knows, that understands Cooking, that Half a Pound is full enough, or more than need be used; But then it would not be French."

Hannah Glasse, The Art of Cookery Made Plain and Easy, 1747

"Talk of Joy: there may be things better than beef stew and baked potatoes and home-made bread. . . there may be."

David Grayson, Adventures in Contentment, 1907

I think a good gift for the president would be a chocolate revolver. And since he's so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him and hand it to him.

Jack Handey

"Green clovers. Blue diamonds. Orange Stars. Pink hearts. Purple horseshoes. Man, I never know if I'm looking at a bowl of cereal or having another acid flashback."

Dave Henry

"There's nothing sexier than a poached pear with a perfect sorbet."

Lisa Hershey

"In my experience, clever food is not appreciated at Christmas. It makes the little ones cry and the old ones nervous."

Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

"Champagne has the taste of an apple peeled with a steel knife."

Aldous Huxley

"It's not that chocolates are a substitute for love. Love is a substitute for chocolate. Chocolate is, let's face it, far more reliable than a man."

Miranda Ingram

"[The waiter] brings around these dead animals and shows them to you, which one do you want? And how do you want it further desecrated by fire?"

Representative Andy Jacobs, D Indiana, vegetarian, on dining at Morton's in Georgetown

"We rarely repent of having eaten too little."

Thomas Jefferson

One of the disadvantages of wine is that it makes a man mistake words for thoughts.

Any of us would kill a cow, rather than not have beef.

A man seldom thinks with more earnestness of anything than he does of his dinner.

He who does not mind his belly will hardly mind anything else.

A cucumber should be well sliced, and dressed with pepper and vinegar, and then thrown out, as good for nothing.

Samuel Johnson

"Nouvelle Cuisine, roughly translated, means: I can't believe I paid ninety-six dollars and I'm still hungry."

Mike Kalin

If you have formed the habit of checking on every new diet that comes along, you will find that, mercifully, they all blur together, leaving you with only one definite piece of information: French-fried potatoes are out.

Jean Kerr

The act of putting into your mouth what the earth has grown is perhaps your most direct interaction with the earth.

Frances Moore Lappé

When we lose, I eat. When we win, I eat. I also eat when we're rained out.

Tommy Lasorda

"Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are."

Matt Lauer

"Food is an important part of a balanced diet."

"If you're going to America, bring your own food."

"Cheese that is compelled by law to append the word 'food' to its title does not go well with red wine or fruit."

Fran Lebowitz

"The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found."

Sam Levinson

"I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster."

Joe E. Lewis

"A converted cannibal is one who, on Friday, eats only fishermen."

Emily Lotney

"Do you have a kinder, more adaptable friend in the food world than soup? Who soothes you when you are ill? Who refuses to leave you when you are impoverished and stretches its resources to give a hearty sustenance and cheer? Who warms you in the winter and cools you in the summer? Yet who also is capable of doing honor to your richest table and impressing your most demanding guests? Soup does its loyal best, no matter what undignified conditions are imposed upon it. You don't catch steak hanging around when you're poor and sick, do you?"

Judith Martin (Miss Manners)

On the continent people have good food; in England people have good table manners.

George Mikes

"When you wake up in the morning, Pooh," said Piglet at last, "what's the first thing you say to yourself?" "What's for breakfast?" said Pooh. "What do you say, Piglet?" "I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?" said Piglet. Pooh nodded thoughtfully. "It's the same thing," he said.

A. A. Milne

"The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later you're hungry again."

George Miller

"One should eat to live and not live to eat."

Moliere

"Some breakfast food manufacturer hit upon the simple notion of emptying out the leavings of carthorse nose bags, adding a few other things like unconsumed portions of chicken layer's mash, and the sweepings of racing stables, packing the mixture in little bags and selling them in health food shops."

Frank Muir, British broadcaster

Dieting: A system of starving yourself to death so you can live a little longer.

Jan Murray

Babbington looked wretchedly from one to the other, licked his lips and said, "I ate your rat, Sir. I am very sorry, and I ask your pardon." "Did you so?" said Stephen mildly. "Well, I hope you enjoyed it." "He only ate it when it was dead," said Jack. "It would have been a strangely hasty, agitated meal, had he ate it before." said Stephen.

Patrick O'Brian, H.M.S Surprise

"Old people shouldn't eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get."

Robert Orben

One more drink and I'll be under the host.

Dorothy Parker

"Our medium salsa is mild to people in the West, but it's really hot to people in the East. Our rep in Texas said people there would love our Mexican pasta sauce because it was nice and spicy, but I think we killed a half-dozen people in Rhode Island."

Don Peet, San Angel Mexican Foods

"No mean woman can cook well. It calls for a generous spirit, a light hand and a large heart."

Eden Phillips

"Artichokes ... are just plain annoying ... After all the trouble you go to, you get about as much actual 'food' out of eating an artichoke as you would from licking thirty or forty postage stamps. Have the shrimp cocktail instead."

Never eat more than you can lift.

Miss Piggy

"The smell and taste of things remain poised a long time, like souls, ready to remind us...."

Marcel Proust

"The appetite grows by eating."

Francois Rabelais

"Vegetarian -- that's an old Indian word meaning 'bad hunter.'"

Andy Rooney

"It can jump off the plate at you but it doesn't have to chase you out of the restaurant."

Marshall Rosenthal

"I believe I once considerably scandalized her by declaring that clear soup was a more important factor in life than a clear conscience."

You needn't tell me that a man who doesn't love oysters and asparagus and good wines has got a soul, or a stomach either. He's simply got the instinct for being unhappy highly developed.

"The cook was a good cook, as cooks go: and as cooks go, she went."

Saki

"Give a man a fish and he has food for a day; teach him how to fish and you can get rid of him of the entire weekend."

Zenna Schaffer

"In Mexico, we have a word for sushi; bait."

Jose' Simon

"Give me liberty or... OOOooo... A jelly donut !"

Homer Simpson

"Do not overcook this dish. Most seafoods...should be simply threatened with heat and then celebrated with joy."

"Scallops are expensive, so they should be treated with some class. But then, I suppose that every creature that gives his life for our table should be treated with class."

"Omit and substitute! That's how recipes should be written. Please don't ever get so hung up on published recipes that you forget that you can omit and substitute."

"How can people say they don't eat eggplant when God loves the color and the French love the name? I don't understand."

"Slaves were taught to be fine chefs, but they endangered their lives if they made a mistake or served an ill-prepared dish. Rather than being reprimanded, they were often hauled into the dining room and flogged in the presence of the guests."

"Serve this dish with much too much wine for your guests, along with some cooked green vegetables and a huge salad. You will be famous in about half an hour."

"The squid is so cooperative. Its body forms a tube that can be stuffed with marvelous fillings. You don't have to be Greek to enjoy this one."

Jeff Smith, The Frugal Gourmet

"It was a singular experience which I cultivated with beans, what with planting, hoeing, harvesting, threshing, picking over and selling them -- I might add eating, for I did taste. I was determined to know beans."

Henry David Thoreau

"Health food makes me sick."

"Anybody who doesn't think that the best hamburger place in the world is in his home town is a sissy."

Calvin Trillin

The true Southern watermelon is a boon apart, and not to be mentioned with commoner things. It is chief of this world's luxuries, king by the grace of God over all the fruits of the earth. When one has tasted it, he knows what the angels eat. It was not a Southern watermelon that Eve took; we know it because she repented.

I went to dinner, which was served in a small private room of the club with the usual piano and fiddlers present to make conversation difficult and comfort impossible.

But when the time comes that a man has had his dinner, then the true man comes to the surface.

Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.

Mark Twain

"A great way for to lose weight is to eat naked in front of a mirror. Restaurants will almost always throw you out before you can eat too much."

Frank Varano

"This is what is meant by "sacrifice", literally, the "making sacred" of an animal consumed for dinner. Yet sacrifice, because it dwells on the death, is a concept often shocking to the secular modern Western mind - to people who calmly organize daily hecatombs of beasts, and who are among the most death-dealing carnivores the world has ever seen."

Margaret Visser

"In England, there are sixty different religions—and only one sauce."

"Ice-cream is exquisite. What a pity it isn't illegal."

Voltaire

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.

“I hate television. I hate it as much as peanuts. But I can't stop eating peanuts.”

Orson Welles

Tell the cook of this restaurant with my compliments that these are the very worst sandwiches in the whole world, and that, when I ask for a watercress sandwich, I do not mean a loaf with a field in the middle of it.

Oscar Wilde

No other factory in the world mixes its chocolate by waterfall.But it's the only way if you want it just... right.

Willy Wonka

One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well.

Virginia Woolf

"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"

"I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol."

"I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it."

Steven Wright

"People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it is safer to harrass rich women than motorcycle gangs."

"One of the most wonderful things about life is that we must regularly stop what we are doing and devote our attention to eating."

"Eating people is wrong."

"I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."

"The hostess must be like the duck -- calm and unruffled on the surface, and paddling like hell underneath."

"Families are like fudge . . . mostly sweet, with a few nuts!"

"I bake, therefore I am."

"Shallots are for babies, onions are for men, garlic is for heroes."

Unknown A.k.a. Anonymous

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